There was a farmer who raised watermelons. He was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch (小块地)at night and eat watermelons. After some careful thought he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the...
Dentist: I have to pull the aching tooth, but don't worry it will take just five minutes. Patient: And how much will it cost? Dentist: It's $90.00. Patient: $90.00 for just a few minutes work??? Dentist: I can extract it very slowly if you ...
Diner: Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup! Waiter: Don't worry, Sir, it's not that hot! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb ove...
A young woman, several months pregnant, boarded a bus and sat opposite a young man, he smiled, and feeling embarrassed she changed her seat. But it was to no avail (没用), for the young man smiled even more broadly when she sat down. Again she moved ...
After watching sales falling off for three straight months at Kentucky Fried Chicken, the Colonel calls up the Pope and asks for a favor. The Pope says, \\"What can I do?\\" The Colonel says, \\"I need you to change the daily prayer from, 'G...
An accountant visited the Natural History museum. While standing near the dinosaur he said to his neighbor: \\"This dinosaur is two billion years and ten months old\\". \\"Where did you get this exact information?\\" \\"I was here ten...
Computer Proverbs 1. Home is where you hang your @. 2. The e-mail of the species ( is more deadly than the mail. 3. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click. 4. You can’t teach a new mouse old clicks. 5. Great group...
* UPDATE...Redefinitions: BUFFET: A French word that means \\"Get up and get it yourself.\\" BABY-SITTER: A teen-ager who must behave like an adult so that the adults who are out can behave like teenagers. TATTOO: Permanent proof of temporar...
The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and tells whether you are qualified to be a \\"manager\\". The questions are not that difficult. 1. How do you put a giraffe(长颈鹿) into a refrigerator? The correct answer is: Open the re...
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding (变秃的) man standing at the counter methodically placing \\"Love\\" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume (香水)bottle...
Things proven to change the course of Thanksgiving 你会这样恶搞么？ 1. During the middle of the meal, turn to mom and say, \\"See mom, I told you they wouldn't notice that the turkey was four months past its expiration date (过期了). You were worr...
It was the first time the blonde (金发女郎)was eating Thanksgiving dinner without her family. Trying to re-enact the tradition, she prepared a dinner for herself alone. The next day, her mother called to see how everything went. \\"Oh, mother,...
A geek's (怪人)list of thanks 1. Be thankful you haven't been spammed! (spam: 向……发送垃圾电子邮件) 2. Be thankful your computer isn't down! 3. Be thankful your favorite forum isn't down! 4. Be thankful you don't have The Good T...
You know those \\"motivational\\" posters some managers like to display on their wall? Well, here's one you can print out to put in your work station. Make sure you point it out to your boss. You'll either get a chuckle (轻笑声) or get fired...
Here in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, many farmers are reluctant to buy into anything that smacks of (带有......味道)technology and the modern-day world. But when a local university created an agricultural web page to answer questions the farmers...
Our copier (复印机) was on the fritz (发生故障) so I put a note on it: \\"Service has been called.\\" When the technician told me he had to order parts, I added a second note: \\"Parts have been ordered.\\" During the next five days, when we h...
Finally, after years of testing business software, I landed (【非正式用语】 获得；获取)my dream job -- trying out computer games. My first day at work I was listing various ideas in a spreadsheet (电子表格) program when my manager walked by. He look...
I overheard (不小心听到)my husband telling our son about a fishing game he downloaded off the Internet: \\"I played it for only a few minutes and caught two! \\"But you should have seen the one that got away,\\" he continued enthusiasticall...
Rather than hire actors to portray homeless men, the director wanted the real deal, with all the grittiness (坚韧不拔)and despair that comes from being on the streets. I was working as the assistant director when the location scout (球探，星探)...
This duck walks into a bar, and asks the bartender(酒吧间男招待), “Do you have any grapes\\"? The bartender says, \\"No we only sell beer here\\". The duck leaves. The next day the duck walks back into the bar and asks the bartender, &...