Some Funniest Family Stories in America

I knew that my husband’s hearing had deteriorated(变坏) after our friend—new to the city—asked where he could meet some singles. “Well,” said my husband, “I see them in the Kmart parking lot diving for fries.”
“Dear,” I intervened. “Singles, not seagulls(海鸥).”


When my father ran out of gas, he called my mother to pick him up in her car. They went to a gas station, filled a gas can, and returned to his car. After a few minutes, he got into her car again. “We need to go back to the gas station,” he said.
“One gallon(加仑) wasn’t enough?” she asked.
“It would have been if I’d put it in the right car.”


While doing a crossword puzzle, I asked for my husband’s help.
“The word is eight letters long and starts with m, and the clue is ‘tiresome(令人生厌的) sameness.’”
“Monogamy(一夫一妻制),” he answered.


In fourth grade, my son had a huge crush on(暗恋某人) a classmate. So for Valentine’s Day, he bought her a box of chocolates and took it into school. When I returned home from work, I found him on the couch eating the same box of candy.
“What happened?” I asked.
“Well, I thought about it for a long time,” he said between chews. “And I decided that, for now, I still like candy more than girls.”


“When I married Donna, I could get both hands around her waist,” said my husband’s grandfather. Pointing at his full-figured(身材丰满的) wife, he boasted(炫耀), “Now look how much I got. That’s what I call investment!”